NORTH STAR VS. SOUTH STAR LIVES

20 years ago I thought I wanted my life to be a big house in Buckhead, a Benz in the garage, a fine ass man in the driver's seat + 2 copy/paste kids in the back. But now I’ve lived enough to know that I want MORE. 

I want the relationships & family to ENRICH my life, but I don't want them to BE my life.

I don’t want anything at the center of my life but ME. And that’s a really ballsy thing for a woman to say. 

Because relationships are easy “North Stars” for us women.

We focus on them from the moment we start getting wet between our legs & told that our security–physical, financial or emotional–can only be ensured by being in one. But every time we rush to find a partner BEFORE really exploring our own selves, the very thing we THOUGHT would be our safety blanket usually becomes our suffocation.

Because the foundation of our lives HAS to be built on something more than just our relationships. They need to be built on OURSELVES. 

I love a good North Star but honestly? I’m more of a South Star kinda gal.

That’s the one that’s illuminated by our wounds, mistakes, secrets, shame & failures. The one that asks us to lay our vulnerabilities on the table & get quiet to ask, "What thread ties these things together? What is this showing me about myself? Where am I overlooking my GOLD?” And then going THERE. Doing THOSE things. Facing THAT wound. Speaking THAT word.

North Star lives are pretty & comfortable. They’re palatable & people celebrate you for playing the role you were told. It’s the same story told over & over again but with slight variations–Birth. School. Job. Marry. Kids. Follow the same old script & keep your head above water.

And then there are South Star lives. The ones that invite you to go off the beaten path and beckon you to take your mess & turn it into magic.

Again & again & again. Constantly dying to who you were, so you can open up to who you’re here to become.

20 years ago I just wanted to fit in, play my role, & find a man to love & claim me.

But now? All I want to do is expand into new versions of myself, never stay the same & allow the one who loves THAT version of me to show up in divine time.

What a difference 20 years (and a whole lot of embodied wisdom!) makes.

Thank God for ladyballs & South Stars.