TIPS FOR TRAVELING SOLO INTERNATIONALLY LIKE A BAD ASS

Embarking on a solo adventure clear across the world is one of the most exciting things you can do for your personal growth. It's okay to feel a little nervous but if you're thinking about booking a jaunt of your own, don't let fear keep you from sealing the deal! Part of the reason that I was able to successfully travel to Istanbul alone is because I made sure to take as many safety precautions as I could up front so I could travel with peace of mind (mostly). ;-) Fresh from my trip here are my tips on how to make the best of your solo international excursion and travel like the bad ass you are!

1. Register with the US Embassy. I've traveled out of the country before and never done this prior to my trip to Istanbul because I was always traveling with a partner or meeting someone at my destination. Traveling alone, however, is another story and this tip is especially important if you're traveling alone. In the event of an emergency, registering with the US Embassy at your destination lets the officials know that a US citizen is in the country and helps them quickly & easily notify you/your family in the event of an emergency (natural disaster, etc.) through the STEP program (Smart Travel Enrollment Program). Sure, emergencies don't happen very often but when they do, it's good to know that someone knows where to find you ASAP. If you have any issues while you're traveling, always call the embassy. And make sure to check the current travel warnings for your destination city prior to departure.
2. Always carry a written copy of the phone number and address number to where you are staying. Phones die. Break. Get lost/are stolen. Fall in the ocean while on a ferry boat. Think ahead and make sure you have directions with you in a safe place somewhere outside of your phone. This tip especially comes in handy when you're staying at an Air BNB versus a local hotel. This didn't occur to me until I was out in the street and taxi drivers wanted to know where I was staying--I couldn't just say the name of a hotel (because I wasn't staying there!) and I couldn't pronounce the long names of the streets nearest to where I was staying. Luckily, upon my arrival my host handed me a business card that had all of the information I needed to contact him. Each night that card was my lifeline to get home so I always made sure to have it in my purse at all times (write down the number/address to the Embassy as well!).
3. If you get lost/need a taxi/need a translator, head to your nearest hotel. Most hotels cater to tourists so this is a great place to stop if you're out in the streets and need assistance--you'll almost always be sure to find someone who speaks English behind the front desk as well.  My first night in Istanbul I "randomly" met a front desk attendant standing outside of his hotel who mentioned that if I ever needed a taxi, I could come back and he would get one for me. Not 15 minutes later I found myself having a hard time getting taxi drivers to agree to take me to the address on the card, so I went back to that hotel and Mehmet walked me across the street to a taxi and told the driver where I needed to go (in much better Turkish than I ever could've managed). Due to his central location (& friendly nature) he quickly became an asset (and a friend!) throughout the duration my trip. Nothing is random, of course.

5. Don't underestimate a smile. Especially when you're in a country where few people speak English. While in Turkey I encountered a lot of people who outright stared at me--blank, unemotional face and all. It made me super uncomfortable at first, then after a few days I started to think more about how MY face was looking to them. And I know that people were looking at me because I look different that what they're used to--from my brown skin, to my long braided hair, to the fact that I was traveling alone--and it occurred that they were looking at me because they were curious. Remember on Instagram when I mentioned being accosted by a group of moms to take pictures with their kids outside of Sultanahmet (Blue Mosque)? That all happened because I saw the young girls & their mom continuously staring at me. After I offered a smile (and pointed to my hair), the little girl nodded and a huge smile spread across her face. They didn't speak English at all but I was able to gather that they wanted to have their picture taken with me, so I obliged them. All because I broke the ice with a smile. It was interesting to see how many people appeared more welcoming after I smiled or gave a wave so don't underestimate the power of a smile. Be who you want to encounter. 
6. Always carry a portable charger. Always. There is nothing worse than being out in the streets, in a foreign country, with a dying battery on your phone. It's a huge safety no-no and if you're using your phone as your camera--like I was--it's a total nightmare when your phone dies and you have no way to capture those once in a lifetime memories!  Even when you're in the US, a portable charger is a god-send when your phone gets low and you find yourself without a USB cord.  Let's face it--there's just need to be walking around with a dead phone these days....unless, of course, you want to.

7. Learn a few basic words/phrases in the local language. This is something I should've done but didn't. Traveling to a country where I had zero experience with the local language (Turkish), it became apparent that failing to learn even the most basic phrases is actually a bit inconsiderate & rude. It doesn't help that there's often a perception of Americans that we travel with the expectation that everyone should know English wherever we are--which I witnessed with my own eyes. If I could even fix my lips to say I spoke a second language it would be Spanish--the pronunciation of which is much easier to me than Turkish--so I made an assumption that I could just learn the language on the go but that wasn't the case. Be a courteous traveler & teach yourself how to say a few words in the local language like hello, goodbye, good morning, thank you, and maybe even how to ask for help. Even if your pronunciation isn't 100%, the gesture will be appreciated & you'll find it incredibly handy as you navigate your travels. 
8. Take advantage of the disconnect. By far, one of the unintended highlights of my trip was the fact that my phone only worked as long as I was connected to WiFi. This meant that when I was out during the day, I didn't have access to ANY social media so I couldn't peruse Facebook while my taxi driver drove me home, check Instagram as I rode the Metro through the city or text message my friends while I waited for my breakfast/lunch/dinner to arrive. And you know what happened when I didn't have my face in my phone every 15 seconds? I paid attention.And interacted with strangers.And met an incredible Spelman sister on a random street corner, all because I was being present. It gave me time to think about my next steps, reflect on my business and really absorb the culture of the city in an uninterrupted manner. One of the main points of vacationing by yourself is to be WITH yourself--not constantly checking in with everything that's going on back home (the place you're supposed to be taking break from). You're the best company you'll ever have, so take advantage of it as much as you can.
9. Book a food tour.  One of the best ways to learn about a country/culture is through its food and if you can only book one tour on your trip, consider making it a food tour or cooking class. During my 5 hour tour with Turkish Flavours I tasted all kinds incredible local Turkish cuisine and was able to experience the city in a way I wouldn't have been able to on my own. A food tour is also a great way to see how the locals live as your guide will often take you through markets in neighborhoods filled with residents doing their everyday shopping. An added bonus? Because these markets are often off the beaten path it will translate into better deals for you! During my tour of the Asian side of Istanbul I scored a Pink Himalayan Salt Bar for $3TL which equals about $1.07 USD. 2 days later I bought the same bar from the Spice Market--a tourist area--for $10TL ($3.57 USD) which is still a deal but.....I'd much rather pay $1. Next time I return I'll know exactly where to go!

10. Bring a ring. If you're a woman traveling alone, consider bringing a faux wedding ring along for the journey. Even if it's a basic gold washer from the hardware store that can do double duty as a wedding band, buy it & carry it in your purse at all times. You don't have to wear it (or can take it off whenever you need) but it's ALWAYS good to have. I can't tell you how many people--especially men--wanted to know where my husband/friends were and if I was traveling alone. After awhile I just started telling people that I was meeting a friend at another location because it occurred to me that I could be unintentionally making myself a target. Most of the time it was just innocent inquisitive conversation but there a few conversations, particularly with 1 cab driver, that got my antenna up and had me thinking that a ring would be a great thing to have. Leave the feminist pride at home and, if someone asks and you feel uncomfortable/don't want their attention, tell them you are married. With kids. There are still a lot of places in the world where this means something, and it was my experience that the men would back off immediately.
11. Use cash if you can. Swiping your card in foreign lands makes you much more susceptible to fraud while away so use cash whenever possible. Depending on the exchange rate, start out with about $300 USD you can exchange at the airport, then use a local ATM to take out cash as needed. Not only does dealing with cash help you keep track of your spending but if you bank with Chase (like I do) they'll refund all foreign transaction fees incurred at an ATM once you return stateside.  Keep in mind that they can't do this for POS (point of sale) transactions, as the fee is added into the charge, so in this case using cash can actually save you money. Not a Chase customer? It's worth a trip to your branch to find out if they'll extend this courtesy to you as well.
12. Find a mall. Yup, I'm serious. It seems basic and very "American", but if you're like me and enjoy seeing how the locals live, the mall can be a great place to visit. You'll get a chance to tour the city en route to your destination, experience local architecture, see retail brands we probably don't have here in the US and it's always a safe bet for the days when your plans didn't turn out like you expected. Not to mention, malls are generally safe places for solo travelers.
13. Take pictures. Of yourself, yes, but consider taking pictures for other people as well--I must've taken at least 40 pictures for strangers while I was in Istanbul. As I toured different areas I constantly saw couples alternating taking pictures of each other in front of special sites, entire families trying to fit in a picture on a selfie stick or even a few solo travelers who looked like they really wanted their picture taken but were afraid to ask. Were there language barriers? Absolutely. But one thing you'll find about offering to do something nice for others--no matter what language they speak, your kind gesture won't go unnoticed. Everyone was so grateful that I offered to take their picture (and took several at that!)...it felt good to know that such a small gesture on my part could help people memorialize a special moment/trip.

14. Give yourself permission to feel scared. Feeling scared is only a feeling (which doesn't make it true!) and it's only natural--you're in a new land where you don't speak the language with zero friends, navigating your way on your own. It's unrealistic to expect that you'll feel comfortable all of the time....plus, traveling alone inherently means you're bound to be a bit uncomfortable in the process so just lean in! Learning how to navigate on your own will give you a new level of self-confidence that just can't come any other way....and it will also make you mindful of how much we all tend to default to sticking to our comfort zones in our daily lives. Take this time to consciously stretch your limits & live a little! You'll never, EVER, regret spending money on an experience that honors the core of who you are. 

Happy Traveling! 

MY TRIP TO ISTANBUL...AND WHY I TRAVELED SOLO.

Dayka Passport Istanbul

My trip to Istanbul and Paris was life shifting--the kind of adventure that finds you going away as one person and in a matter of days, returning as another.

It's hard to put words to an experience that changes you so deeply because it's not about any one specific thing that's the cause of the shift.  Really it was me, being in this body, at this time in my life, meeting those people and having those experiences. I believe that we always get what we're ready for & what we need to help us evolve into greater beings. For me, this trip was a message and a symbol confirming, it's time to evolve. 

Istanbul view, Topkapi Palace 2015 Dayka Robinson

Istanbul Istikal St 2015

As the plane was descending back to Atlanta, I cried. Not because I was sad to return (coming home is always a joy for me), but because....I did it. I was officially returning from the trip that at one point, I wasn't sure I "could" go on or should invest in. Didn't know how it would happen. But like every big shift in my life, it began with an urging to "just go", without knowing the who, how or why. Fast forward a few months later and I know for sure that this is a life defining trip for me. It speaks a lot to where I am personally/professionally and to the shift that's currently happening in so many areas of my life. It seemed like once I pressed "confirm" on my order, a million tiny miracles happened in a matter of weeks that are swiftly moving me towards the new goals I've set for myself. So this trip ended up being the perfect marker to usher in this new phase of my life.

Istanbul Turkish Flavors tour 2015, Dayka Robinson

Istanbul Sultanahmet:Blue Mosque 2015 Dayka Robinson

If you follow me on Instagram you know the story but here's the short of it--I'd originally planned to go to Istanbul with a group but in the midst of my planning, it occurred to me that I should go by myself. Mostly because I was having trouble justifying the cost of the group trip. And while I know I missed the benefit of some of the group experiences, I'm 1000% sure that going alone was indeed the right move for me--and that fact had nothing to do with the money (although I spent 1/3 of what it would've cost me). In the end, traveling alone required me to rely on skills that I wouldn't have had to use with a group because being in a foreign country--with a very different culture--where you don't speak the language (and not many people speak English) requires a great degree of resourcefulness & self-reliance. Are these skills I cultivate at home? Certainly. But keep in mind it's within the context of a country in which I was born, a city where I speak the language, a terrain I know like the back of my hand, a ton of local friends & family on speed dial if I get in a bind and a place where I have access to my own car at all times. I didn't have the benefit of a travel guide or a friend to accompany me--I had to get things figured out on my own. And I was also in a Muslim country as a single, Black, non-Muslim, American woman traveling alone and staying in an apartment in a local neighborhood (this is key). From everyone's reaction to me, it became clear that I was not the norm.

Istanbul Omer Hayyam 2015

Durumzade Istanbul 2015 dayka Robinson

I opted not to get an international plan on my phone so the minute I touched down I turned the cellular data off so I wouldn't incur any unexpected charges. This meant that I the only time I could actually use my phone was when I was back in my apartment and connected to wireless. Outside of that, I was on my own. Lost?? I had to consult a map & figure it out the old school way (I hate pulling out maps when traveling--they scream "target" to me). Need to know how to say a certain word in Turkish? If I was lucky I could find someone who spoke English to translate, otherwise I had to make a note in my phone so I could Google it later.  I can't tell you how many times I had to order my meals by pointing to what I wanted & as someone who loves to ask a million questions about her food...it was quite a change! At the start of my trip I remember being embarrassed by having to continually point to things and feeling frustrated/helpless when I couldn't communicate my needs but then I remembered, "This is the point of this trip. If you wanted to feel comfortable & at ease, you could've gone to London but that's not what this destination was about."So I kept pressing on. One of the things to note about my trip is that I wasn't staying in a high-end hotel with a concierge at my fingertips. When I travel I like to get a feel for how the locals live so this means that I'm generally not right in the middle of tourist areas with hordes of English-speaking taxi drivers & "tourist-friendly" restaurants at my disposal. Instead, I like to stay in residential neighborhoods where real people are going about living their everyday lives. It's exciting...but as someone who definitely stood out in the neighborhood--it can also be a bit scary. I walked a lot. I visited the major, ancient historic sites. I ate at restaurants recommended & beloved by locals. I slept in & rested whenever I wanted to. I had a twice daily informal date with the owner of my apartment as he made me tea every morning before I left and then again when I returned. We talked for hours & hours. I listened to the Islamic call to prayer sound across the city 5 times a day & took that time to meditate on my own faith.  I signed up for an amazing culinary tour of Istanbul/Turkey that had me tasting everything from local spices to cow/goat/sheep cheese, Ayran (pronounced Eye-ran, a buttermilk-like yogurt drink that's a cultural favorite), stuffed muscles, lamb intestines, goat milk ice cream, lots Turkish delight (of course!),  Turkish hummus (more sesame than normal) and a TON of other tasty treats.Needless to say, I did & experienced a lot. 

 I wish I could tell you about every single incredible thing that happened while I was away, but some of it is still so hard to describe...and as transparent as I like to be, I honestly I feel like some of it is just for me because it was so personal. Instead, I'll just say that it was by far the best vacation of my life. As I like to do before I travel, I wrote out my intentions for my trip before I left and it's no big surprise that every single one of them was fulfilled. I only had 4 and they were: (1) to "totally & completely relax" by being in the moment and not thinking about work, (2) to pay attention--to the sounds, the smells (!!) & the tastes (3) to eat really good, expand my palette (lamb intestines!) and not eat Paleo and (4) to meet someone new (funny how much personal stuff you can share with a stranger). It was good to look at my list when I came home and see that I indeed accomplished everything I originally set out to do.

This trip renewed my confidence/trust in myself and reminded me that I can create ANYTHING I want. I believe that thoughts are creative (our lives mimic our thoughts) and this trip was a reminder of that--that asking "how" I would get to Turkey for all of those months was the wrong question. Instead, the only question I needed to ask myself was "Do you WANT to go to Turkey?" and once I acknowledged that I did, everything fell into place.  I ended my trip with an enormous sense of gratitude for the life that I live and I'm so relaxed, focused and genuinely excited about the coming months.  The renewed perspective alone was worth the investment.

Dayka & Charlene Istanbul Grand Bazaar 2015

Kaymak Namli IStanbul 2015 Dayka Robinson

So why Istanbul? I guess my thought was, "Why not??". It's geographically & culturally far away and isn't what most people think of as a single woman's vacation destination. I didn't want to relax on a beach, I wanted to DO something. The older I get the more I find myself interested in history and I knew my destination would have plenty to keep my attention. Istanbul captured my interest & I didn't want it to be a place I waited to see "until I had a man" so when the opportunity arose, I took it! Why did I travel alone?Because I really wanted to. I didn't even invite anyone else (lol). So much has happened over the last 3 (really, 10) years of my life that I wanted/needed this to be just for me. The fact that I was even ABLE to go is a sign of all that I've accomplished in building my business and transforming my life and I wanted to be able to reflect on all that good stuff alone. I think personal time is one of the most sacred & loving gifts we can give to ourselves. I didn't want to discuss where "we" should eat breakfast or what "we" should do today...I just wanted to "do me". Traveling with friends is great (did it on the Paris leg!) but I don't think it's any more important than traveling on your own. They're just 2 different experiences & the one that's right for you depends entirely on your needs. I love hanging out with friends but...I really love my alone time, too--I NEED that to recharge my batteries. So, while I was a bit nervous to venture into the unknown, I was also really excited. 3 years ago I would't have thought a trip like this was possible. And I definitely wouldn't have expected it to change my life. 

NEXT: 13 Tips on How to be a Bad-Ass International Solo Traveler.

A LETTER TO MY 21 YEAR OLD SELF.

My Lovely Girl:

 Your life is really just beginning and though people (your parents) tend to act like you should leave college knowing how to tackle the world, you won't...and you're not supposed to, anyhow. This life is nothing less than a journey of expansion so give up the idea of ever having it all "figured out"--you never will.  In time you'll learn that as your pendulum swings from stages of sheer confusion to absolute confidence, the fun is in figuring out how to better navigate the in-between phases, always mindful that "This too shall pass". Just breathe. Things are always working out in your favor.

There is an incredibly wonderful world waiting for you beyond Spelman. You'll put yourself in a much better position if you leave those gates realizing that the goal is not to get a "stable job" but to be intentional about designing your life and creating experiences where you know with all certainty that you're in alignment with the deepest part of your being. Spend more time doing things like driving PCH with your best friend, or almost attending the Super Bowl with your other best friend (LOL!)--these are the moments that will stay with you forever. Know the stories of your family but understand that they are there to serve as part of your foundation, not as guideposts to chart your path. This journey is yours and yours alone so let the stories of others be just that--their stories based on their personalities & their experiences--and understand that people are always motivated by much more than meets the eye. Never adopt anyone else's narrative as your own. The only way you will ever truly know something is to experience it for yourself & through your own eyes, otherwise you'll find yourself carrying a lot of baggage that is not yours to hold. Listen to Erykah Badu's Bag Lady one more time with fresh ears. Pack light.

Dayka Robinson, 2001

Worry less about what a thing looks like, and try to just be with what it is. This is called Acceptance. Again & again, life will gift you many opportunities to grow in this area. Understand that you never need to be someone different than who you are to find your place in this world. NEVER. You'll spend a lot of time trying to make yourself fit into boxes that aren't suited for you and instead of recognizing that the box isn't the right fit, you'll think that there's something wrong with you...which couldn't be further from the truth. My Darling, if you're being yourself and something isn't a good fit, you don't change yourself to so that the container fits, you change the container so that YOU fit. Whether in jobs, friendships, with boyfriends or anything else, the right container is the one that fits with ease and feels good. If it doesn't meet this criteria, keep searching. This isn't the message that you're learning from the world, but it is your golden rule. Never be afraid to keep searching until you find the things that are right for you. As India Arie once said, "You know the truth by the way it feels.", so go after that feeling with reckless abandon. The secret is to be yourself, and then allow the people who resonate with your truth to find you. That's the beauty of this life--what you seek is also seeking you, always.

I hate to break it to you, but you will not stay with him--he is not your forever guy. Jumping in there and bending the situation until it looks like what you want it to be is the antithesis of taking the path of least resistance. Here's a tip--if you have to work that hard to keep it together then it's not the right fit. That relationship is compensating for a void you feel yet can't quite put your finger on, but one day the the lightbulb will go off and you'll know it's time to move on. And as difficult as it will be to leave that sweet little girl & start again, you will...and you will be better for it. The only thing that is ever real is love.You've had a chance to love someone and be loved in return--what a blessing! Hold onto that love and leave the chaos behind. When all of the dust settles, the only thing you both will be left with are memories of a time when you both loved each other the best you knew how. And when you know that you gave it your best, that will be enough.

Oh Dayka, you are the world--if only you could see it right now! You are intelligent, strong, kind & courageous with a fantastic sense of humor. You'll get called out a lot for speaking your mind but that is a wonderful trait! Never stop & don't second guess yourself...this will be the very thing your tribe loves about you. There is always a place for a woman like you who has the courage to bring truth to the table, especially when you're transparent enough to tell your own.  Your life will see many twists & turns/ebbs & flows, but one day you'll look up and realize you're standing right in the middle of your sweet spot and it will make you so grateful for all you've been through.  No step you take is wrong and no action will be in vain--you are always exactly where you're supposed to be.  And when you get quiet enough to listen, you'll hear your soul whispering that familiar refrain that is always guiding you in the right direction. More. More. MORE.Be more. Do more. Give more.

Be confident, my little rockstar. You are enough. I love you.

d.

BEFORE & AFTER: MY BRIGHT + BOLD HOME OFFICE REDESIGN

Experiencing the power of a good makeover always blows my mind...even though I make this kind of magic happen for a living. There's something about seeing an unfinished space, creating a plan in your mind & then watching it come together--bit by bit--that will never get old for me. Never.

So I was glad when the time finally came to wave my magic wand around my home office. The truth? This space has been unpresentable for years (like, since I first moved in). I started off in the smaller of my 2 guest bedrooms then eventually migrated to the larger room. But like much of the rest of my house, it took me awhile to figure out what I really wanted...how I would work in the space, what kind of storage I needed and time to sort through all of the junk that I somehow accumulated & collected over the years. Ugh.

So when I was approached earlier this year to be a spokesperson forAstrobrights'"Colorize Your Business" campaign, the timing lined up perfectly. I'd already crafted my design game plan in anticipation of my office redo and since part of my duties involved filming a few videos for Astrobrights' campaign, my newly designed office made for the perfect backdrop.

Office before

So the Befores....

It didn't look exactly like this in the beginning--this is actually an in progress shot once I started clearing everything out but as you can see, there's not much to see here. The energy radiates off of this room...and it ain't good. I actually liked the orientation of the room as I originally had it (I had 5 Ikea Vittsjo shelves behind the desk which worked really well to anchor the space) but nothing else was working...as you can gather.

Office before-2

Office before 5

Office before-3

Once I started pulling up the carpet (my new white floor is actually just the original subfloor  painted white with an industrial strength Sherwin Williams paint) it started to look like something I could really work with. And this is the phase of design I love--the scary part where it gets worse before it gets better. You may even recognize the paint on the wall next to the closet door--when I participated in the 2013 Cathedral Antiques Inspiration House, I just couldn't wrap my head around what I'd planned without seeing it in person, so I tested out the design on the walls of my home office. Needless to say, after playing around with the color variation, the design made the cut. And the rest of the Afters:

Dayka Robinson Designs Home Black & White Office Makeover Vertical

Dayka Robinson Designs Home Black & White Office Makeover horizontal black trim

Dayka Robinson Designs Home Office Makeover Inspiration Board

Dayka Robinson Designs Home Office Makeover Door Jamb

(painted the door jamb Chartreuse as well as the closets!)

The best thing about my new space? Not only does it feel like me, but I work SO much more efficiently here now that I've decluttered, reorganized and created a proper place for everything I need. It reminds me that there's not just an aesthetic value to interior design but an intrinsic one as well--and that your space is often times a reflection of your life.

I love that I'm in a place where everything on the inside is being reflected in my home--organization, expansion, renovation & completion.Just like me.

ON FRIENDSHIP: THE RAW, REAL, HONEST & NAKED KIND

To have someone who knows all of my stuff. 

The good, the ugly and the secrets I shared so long ago that I forgot they belonged to me.

Who knows about the countless times when I had an opportunity to show up as my higher self but chose not to (or didn't know enough to do better). Who knows all my shadows yet still chooses to love & support me anyhow, it's a kind of love I feel honored to hold.

Who has witnessed the massive emotional & spiritual shifts in my life and doesn't believe in all of the same things that I do but still tries her best to speak to me in "my language" when I need to hear it most. Someone who, at the same time, doesn't care about my shifts and sees it as her job to give me the truth as she sees it. 

Who always says "we" whenever she's actually referring MY life, MY business or the moves I should make--especially with regard to dating--because she feels like if I do it then she's doing it too, never mind the fact that she's been married for almost 11 years ("No...no...that's what we're NOT gonna do. That's O-U-T.").The older I get, the more I understand the joy, peace and acknowledgement that comes from having a deep connection with people. To really be seen. And to be around those in whose eyes I'm always reminded that I am enough. I believe that soul connections are an organic thing that can't be fabricated--either they're there or they're not--and as such, that they should be honored. When someone allows me into their life I always see it as an opportunity to learn more about myself in & through them. And when I feel that pull, I will try to get to know you--to understand your life, hear your stories, learn how you process information--because this is how I make sense of my world!  And the older I get, I realize what a blessing it is to have people with whom I can do that. My preference is raw, real, honest & naked relationships--the kind that hold you down & pull you up, ever pushing you towards your best self. I consider myself lucky that I have more than one.

The quality of friendship or intimacy isn't measured solely in years. I can meet someone new & instantly feel a closeness with them that defies explanation but in a relationship that is intimate and decades old--spanning the crazy high school years, the ignorant college years, the unconscious after-college years and finally the "aware adult years"--I look at my friend's history and see my own. And when I look at the daughter she birthed almost 18 years ago, I see my stories play back before my very eyes. This didn't mean much at 25 but as I've gotten older and been a witness to how difficult it can be to make friends over 30, it's something I appreciate in a brand new way. I have 4 best friends and each of the relationships are so different...but there is only 1 who has known me since 15.

So to my dear friend: I see you, I hear and I love you. Thank you.

I HAVE VITILIGO. THIS IS MY STORY & HOW ITS CHANGED ME.

Watching your body change before your eyes is really fucking tough.

Traumatic would be another good adjective to insert here. I'm not talking about an ailment you were born with and I'm not talking about pregnancy. I'm talking about literally waking up one day and noticing that the skin on the body you've known for almost 30 years is suddenly changing. Then going to a dermatologist who confirms you have something called "Vitiligo" which has no known direct cause, no cure and an unpredictable prognosis. Up until then, I only knew it as the disease that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop claimed to have. When I left that office visit, I realized that I had joined his ranks. What I didn't realize was how much it would change me...for the better.

It's been 7 years since I first noticed the handful of small, discolored spots just below my belly button. They weren't particularly large, and they weren't extremely discolored either--just a trail of 4 small-ish spots that seemed to appear out of the blue. I didn't think much of them--outside of noticing the inconsistency--and kind of filed it away in the back of my mind. It wasn't until many months later, as I took note that they were getting lighter and larger (and after a bit of frantic Googling), that I got a little concerned. When the dermatologist confirmed the diagnosis...I still remember walking out of that office in a fog. I was uncertain of what to expect...and I was devastated.

Vitiligo is an autoimmune disease. It affects the pigment in your skin by causing your immune system to identify your melanin-producing cells as an "invader" and attack, so that the cells either die or stop producing melanin. The bright side is that there's no effect on my practical, day-to-day functioning & it doesn't cause any internal issues other than skin discoloration. The "downside"? Knowing that it's "just skin", yet still having to navigate a psychological forrest of conflicting emotions that are very real. It's like trying to execute a full spin on a teensy tightrope launched 250 feet in the air--it ain't the easiest thing to manage. It is shocking...and frightening...and depressing to see something visibly take hold of your body that you can't control. And then there are those who minimize this experience because they think it's "just a superficial thing"...which is an incredibly dismissive position to take when it's not transforming your body. What many people don't seem to understand is what the effect of something like Vitiligo can do to your mind: it will have you questioning your own beauty & value, reconsidering everything you think you know about yourself--deep stuff. From my perspective, developing Vitiligo as an adult is extremely different than having it as a child. I have, in effect, lived an entire life in one skin--childhood, high school, college & beyond--only to develop a new skin as I approached 30. And of course this is what we're supposed to do in our lives--grow & shed the skin we come to know as a means of expanding more into the people we're purposed to become. But when it's LITERALLY happening before your eyes?? Yikes. It can be a challenge to watch this process unfold and the uncertainty surrounding its progression (not knowing what to expect) used to cause a constant state of anxiety...which did not do much to help my immune system. Those early days were like a merry-go-round I couldn't seem to find my way off of.

For the first few years I was very diligent about staying covered because I was sure that I didn't want anyone to see what was happening to my body. And in those early days it was an easy task--if you didn't see my stomach or the center of my back, you wouldn't have caught a hint of what was taking place. But I pride myself on transparency & felt like a fraud during those years--aware that I wasn't owning my truth yet at the same time, having no idea of how to embrace what was happening. To see it as only a small part of my story and not the entire story. In hindsight and from a renewed perspective, I clearly see how Divine Timing was yet working in the midst of it all. Sometimes I'll catch myself thinking, "I'm grateful this happened in phases--I don't know that I could've emotionally handled losing my pigment any faster than I did.", but then I remember what I know is true--that we are always given the specific wings we need for the individual journey ahead. Because literally & figuratively, inhabiting a new skin changes you. I haven't had 35 years to acclimate to this, I've had 7--and now in year 7, my body doesn't look anything like it did in years 1-3. And I'm not saying that a dis-ease like Vitiligo changes your quality of life forever but yes, it will absolutely change something about your life, especially when it happens to you as an adult. Whether it's for better or for worse is ultimately up to you. In my case, it forced me to let go of how I visually imagined my life would be. And if I'm being honest (which I should be because after all, I AM half naked on the internet!), it forced me to rethink/reexamine who I thought I would be in this life. It's safe to say I considered myself to be attractive. Secure in the knowledge that I was a decent person and just as confident in saying that I wasn't an ugly duckling, either. Yet seeing Vitiligo spread across my body felt suffocating for awhile, being enveloped by something I couldn't control. And by "awhile", I mean years. As you can imagine, hours of perusing pics on Google Images didn't help much in those early stages, either. Because you can get lost in looking at the photos, seeing the possibility of what could happen to your skin without the balance & understanding of the only thing this experience is REALLY requiring of you--to become someone new. In and of itself, Vitiligo makes me different from most people and while different is something we tend to champion when it comes to businesses, personalities, music and fashion, we don't always celebrate "different-ness" when it comes to appearances.

For instance?  Sometimes people just stare uncontrollably.

I know that curiosity can get the best of people and they can't help looking at the white spots trailing down my shoulder or sneaking out along the neckline of my dress, but the blatant staring?Even to this day, it can make me feel like the main attraction in a circus. I really don't think people mean to stare in amazement--I believe we all are inherently good--yet when you're insecure about your own body, seeing people fixate on it just magnifies everything that's already under the surface. But in the end, the feelings that come up for me in those moments speak more to the narrative that I believe about myself, and less about other people and what they may be thinking. Knowing this actually DOES make the stares easier to process because it gives me a sense of power to know that there is a major part of my experience that I CAN control. And that, when it comes to me, nothing is ever true until I believe it to be so. After all--this is my journey, my story and I'm 100% responsible for the meaning that I assign to the events in my life. This fact, I own.

When people say things like "it's not a big deal" or that it "shouldn't really matter", I understand that they're intending & wanting to be supportive but here's the thing--when it's happening to you and it's your body and changing your life, it kinda is a really big fucking deal. I walk a tightrope between knowing that I'm not this skin, yet this skin is the first thing you see when you look at me.  My brown body now has varying shades of white spots across a good portion of it, and unless we're in the dead of winter, it's not like you could look at me and miss them somewhere--on the back of my legs, in the web of my hands, around my ankles & the tops of my feet. It's only seasonally visible on my face (I use Protopic, a topical prescription to control it) but if you know to look, you'll find it. Does it change the way my body functions? I'm grateful that I can say "no". But there's no denying that it has changed how others see me visually and also, how I show up in the world.

It wasn't until recently that I allowed myself time to really mourn my loss and who I thought I would be. And even though it may have been (admittedly) a superficially concocted self-perception, it was mine--MY idea and MY expectations based upon what I thought my life should look like. But the thing about Vitiligo is this: it's different for everyone, so there's no one way to navigate through this process. It's just not that simple. Each of us have to figure out a way to chart a course that feels true based upon the individual situation. Some people just develop one patch of Vitiligo, or only have it on one side of the body. For others like myself, it's non-segmental (bilateral Vitiligo or generalized Vitiligo) which means it appears on both sides of the body and cycles through periods of starting, stopping & expanding. This means that I have to make my way through an acceptance process each time it takes up more real estate on my body. And in other words, I make peace with my new reality each time it needs to be made.

But here's the good part: It gets better.

It gets easier to face and honor what's happening in my body each time because Vitiligo has undoubtedly made me better, stronger. I don't know if I can truthfully say I'm at 100% acceptance but I know this for sure: I'm not where I was 7 years ago (hell--the fact that I'm putting these pics out here on the webs is a testament to this fact!) Those 3 small dots that appeared below my belly button later spread to my back in a year's time. And from there it traveled to my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach and my face. It was dormant until the end of 2012 when I can only imagine that the end of a long relationship helped it to flair up again--a relationship I ended in part, because I knew I needed to sort through this and do the kind of inner work that can only be done when you're alone. I wanted/needed to find my own foundation and not settle for existing off of the confidence that a settled relationship provides. Or even worse--staying with someone because I didn't believe anyone else would want or love me in my new skin. I loved us both enough to know that I deserved more, and so did he. So I set out on my own to find my center and in time, that's exactly what I found.  And time & time again I remind myself, just because my life doesn't look exactly like what I thought it would doesn't mean that I don't have a really good life. 'Cause it is really good (incredible, actually), and I am happy. As they say, there will always be a road that didn't choose us, and for me, the journey I would've had had I NOT developed Vitiligo is that road. What chances would I have taken without this experience & who I would have consequently become without this calling to expand into more?  I'll never know. But I've learned that it's okay to mourn that road that didn't chose me and the secrets it held while simultaneously being excited about the road that I DO have. Yes, it's different, but it's also an incredible opportunity to practice what I believe--that things are always working out for my good, even if I can't see it just yet. And because of this core belief, I'm able to move forward knowing that everything--at the deepest level--is as it should be and that my purpose in this life is not diminished because of Vitiligo but instead made perfect through it. This I know for sure.

Vitiligo has caused me to reexamine my beliefs & values--to be clear about who I say I am and the ways that I am/am not showing up like I intend to. I believe in the power of intention and living in personal integrity, which is to honor yourself by being/doing who & what you say you are. This experience has expanded my faith and reminded me of what I know to be true--that I am not this body, but the essence of Dayka is created in my soul...the untouchable, undefinable, perfect, all-knowing Source on the inside. And I don't mean that in a cheesy way but truly, when we transition out of this life, our bodies remain but our souls--the very essence that makes us who we are--are what leave and THAT is what those who remain mourn over. So I continuously affirm to myself that I am not this body, and that everything I need for my journey on this path is already within. I am not devoid of anything, nothing about my life is a mistake, and how my body was created is intrinsically tied to who I'm supposed to be in this world.  I don't know that I would be so clear about this truth without having journeyed through this experience.

So in the spirit of honesty, transparency & transformation, I wanted to share this part of my life with all of you. To share my story about a life change that started out so heartbreaking but more importantly, became so transformative in my life. Vitiligo led me to a Paleo lifestyle which has done wonders for my health. It's now a little over 2 years later, and I still don't regret ending my relationship--in a challenging time I relied on my intuition and surprisingly, I'm enjoying being single and relishing the beauty & peace of being alone (alone, not lonely, mind you). I have a career I love. My business is doing really well. Some of my closest friends are people I'm sure I've known in another lifetime. I love where I live. And in general, I'm really very happy with me and the work that I've done on myself. Work that may not have taken place without Vitiligo. I've wanted to write this post for awhile and for many reasons, first as a means of celebrating myself and how far I've come. As a means of sharing a huge part of who I am that isn't as well known. And as a means of inspiring and encouraging someone with Vitiligo who may stumble upon these photos via Google, or this blog post one day in despair (like I did many years ago) looking for something to hold on to, needing to hear that it gets better. Well I'll tell you this: it really does get better...but it's because of the work you do on the inside of you, not on the outside.  In so many ways, I never imagined that I would have the life I know today...but in every way, and even because of this experience, it is sweeter. I'm grateful for what I didn't know back then about this journey that lay ahead--it would've seemed insurmountable to the 2007 version of myself.

So the logistics: I have chosen not to wear makeup to cover my depigmentation. I have no issue with anyone who does differently, but the practice for me is about becoming comfortable in my skin and yet staying ever aware that I am not this skin. Will I always feel this way? I can't say with any certainty. But I reserve the right to change my mind later and will do what feels right in the moment. In the meantime, my biggest hope is that I might inspire someone who may be struggling with a challenge or insecurity of any kind--personally or professionally--who finds themselves full of fear and/or doubt. To remind you that God or life--whatever you may believe in--is calling you to be more...to be bigger and better than you are in this moment. And you absolutely can be, if you so choose.  It may take time, but your perspective WILL change if you allow it to.

And yes, someone will still think you're hot. (many "someones", in fact) They'll want to date you...love you for how you look now, and how you'll look 5 years down the road. And yes, people may stare, but only because it's different. Not ugly. Just different...and that's okay. And in time you'll find that when you stop looking for the people who are staring, you won't see them as much anymore. And you'll learn that sometimes, the people who are staring may actually be looking because in you, they see the courage that they're not sure they have themselves. So I remind you that in this way, when you tell the truth of your own story and have the courage to shine your own light, you help light someone else's flame and give them the courage to shine too. And that's something worth celebrating. (Albert Schweitzer)

**All images taken by the amazing Angela Murray Morris, who made me feel incredibly comfortable, supported, and excited about this shoot. Eternal gratitude, love & appreciation for you, friend. Xo** **To Nicole Wylie, Antonio, Telisha Gibson, Brady & Rodney...for--each in your own way--allowing me to use your flame to light my own.**

DAYKA...AL ROKER...AND MY FIRST LIVE, NATIONAL TV INTERVIEW--EVER!

Deep inside, I've always known that TV was in the cards for me.

As I became more confident in my abilities & established some bigger dreams, it started to become clear that it's the next logical, progressive step along my path. 

I've been offered two opportunities in years past and received emails from a few producers requesting casting videos, but I either didn't make the final cut or it was for something I've always shied away from--a competition-style show. 

Because I've been able to get a good amount of behind-the-scenes production work under my belt, both from my days as a Design Assistant on the show Movie & A Makeover (Turner Broadcasting) and from the last few years through my work with Flynnside Out, I'm clear that my ideal situation is being in front of the camera as an expert. There are so many uncontrollable things that happen behind the scenes that the viewer never sees--budgets disappear, parameters change, etc, but all you end up seeing in the end is an ugly room--no thanks. There's nothing wrong with the competition premise in general, but also I understand my personality enough to know that it probably won't play well in those circumstances--I've been told I have a case of RBF (Resting Bitch Face), I'm often a little heavy on the sarcasm & I absolutely enjoy a raunchy comment (or two!) every now & then. In TV land, this is either a recipe for disaster or the makings of great drama...depending on who's doing the interpreting! 

So it shouldn't come as a surprise to you when I say that getting booked as a guest expert on the Wake Up With Al morning show (The Weather Channel) was right up my alley--the exact thing kind of thing I've been wanting to do. It may be a surprise to you, however, to learn that 3 minutes after the opportunity was extended to to me...I got scared, y'all!! I immediately said yes but my mind was all, "What have you done???", once I started thinking about the parameters of live tv & how there's no editing. Then all of the dreaded "what-ifs" started popping up:
What if I trip over my feet, grab the table for balance & pull it down with me??
What if I get all tongue tied as I'm speaking, can't get my words out & just go into blank zone???
   Or better yet, What if I drop my beloved F-bomb in an off-the-cuff moment??
YIKES. All very scary scenarios.
But as much as fearful dayka was saying no (little d), I had this other voice in my heart that was all, "Go girl...you know you got this!" (said in my Mom's tone), so of course there was no turning back. 

Not only because I believe we have to run towards the things we're afraid of, but also because it was true--I am/was equipped for this!!

And in the end, this first-timer couldn't have asked for a better outcome.

The thing about live TV is this--the only way for you to get better at doing live TV is to actually DO live TV....I don't think there's any other way to simulate this kind of experience. After my fantastic producer Michael discussed the parameters of the segment with me, I pitched 10 ideas and he narrowed it down to the ones he liked the best/thought were the best fit for their content (weather-related upcycle & recycle projects). I actually prepared 6 projects, we narrowed it down to 5 when I arrived Wednesday morning, and then during my segment, Al actually skipped over the recycled umbrella bag (which was fantastic, btw), so I only ended up presenting 4 of my projects which worked perfect for my 2.5 minutes. I had a bit of anxiety Monday & Tuesday morning but by the time I settled in Tuesday evening and carved out some quiet space, I was feeling confident and great...which lasted right up until we were about 15 seconds out and my stomach went all haywire. I was telling myself, "Don't you even do this shit, Dayka. Not now." and that was all I needed to pull it together--ha! All in all, my 2.5 minutes went off without a hitch (of course there are a few things I could nitpick, but I won't) and I'm pretty proud of this segment! Sam Champion--formerly of GMA and now host of his own show, AMHQ--and I were in makeup together so we had a chance to chat for a bit  which was very cool--such a great guy to be around (with a body to match!).

And AL ROKER!!!!

Totally just as warm & pleasant as you would expect. And Stephanie Abrams, his cohost, is hilarious--I can see why they make a great team. 

 I was able to stay in the studio for a bit around my segment and watching Al work is incredible...and so mind blowing to find myself in the same studio with an icon that I grew up with every morning, not only watching him do his thing in person but being interviewed by him as well!! 
I seriously wanted to pinch myself.
I can only imagine the grind of getting up at 3am daily (and having to go to bed very early, I imagine), but they both made it look effortless.
 I'm believing my skills will be much the same one day, too (and soon)!

So if you have a moment, take 2 minutes to watch my first, live national tv guest spot ever with none other than Al Roker himself. I wrote a blog post a few days ago where I mentioned just saying yes and thinking of your fear like a lion, only to get right up to it and see that it's just a tabby cat. 

This was one of those times, for sure, and it's funny to see how I wrote that just days before, not knowing that this opportunity was just around the corner.
Essentially I was talking to myself.
I was nervous, I won't lie, but when the cameras went live, your girl was ready to go.

 And now that I've got this one under my belt, I'm really excited about doing this again--I loved every minute.

http://www.weather.com/tv/shows/wake-up-with-al/video/recycling-repurposing-demo

AN 8 PAGE SPREAD IN SOUTHERN HOME...FEATURING YOURS TRULY!!

On the list of cool things that have happened to & for me since I started my business 4 years ago, this ranks up there at the very top--definitely a milestone. 

My first bit of press is out for 2015 and it's a huge deal for me--AN 8 PAGE FEATURE IN A NATIONAL MAGAZINE!!!! And I don't mean me and someone else on the same page, I mean page after page of yours truly in a story on my home here in Atlanta.

When an editor of Fresh Style magazine and its sister publication, Southern Lady, reached out back in November 2014 to profile me for this piece, my first thought was "no" because like most designers, my house isn't exactly how I want it to be. Still, I knew I'd be crazy to pass up the opportunity and got busy prepping my place for the team's arrival from Alabama. I'm used to working with my own photographers (or ones I know well) so it's rare that I don't see images before something gets published. In this case I didn't see anything with exception of the headshot pics they took of me, so I had zero idea of what to expect when it hit newsstands. When I finally found the magazine in the grocery store, I was in awe of how beautiful the photos were....and blown away by the size of the feature!

(pages aren't in order)

Seriously overjoyed!!

My house, as you can see, is done in a palette mainly consisting of black, white, brown & gold with a few pops of color, texture and pattern throughout. I really do LOVE color, but when I finally started getting around to addressing my home I found myself getting color confused (too many choices as a designer!) or the things I really obsessed over were a bit beyond what I wanted to spend, so I went with the palette of all of the things I most love to wear (which is a great place to start your design, btw!). This strategy also worked well for me because I tend to like spaces that feel warm & enveloping, so I'm a huge fan of darker colors and cozy rooms--and when I pull those blackout drapes closed in the living room, I feel like I'm in a cocoon on a planet far away.
Mission accomplished. 

Most of what you see here is vintage. The sofa & dining table are the only things that I purchased brand new almost 10 years ago...and both of them are hopefully on their way out soon! A few years back I mentioned in a blog post that I wanted the majority of the pieces in my home to be secondhand and fast forward a few years later and it's safe to say I'm around the 95% mark! The only other piece of furniture that I purchased brand new was my mattress--every other piece in my house is either from a thrift store, estate sale, yard sale or something similar, and it's all been refinished and reupholstered within an inch of its life! But I wouldn't change a thing about my choice to go that route. I pretty much love (almost) everything in here and when I DO tire of something, I have no qualms about letting it go on to its next life because my investment hasn't been outrageous. And more importantly, I know how good it feels to live with things you love. I'm grateful I can say that.

So if this is feature any indication of what 2015 will be for me, I am expecting to constantly have my mind blown this year, both personally and professionally.
And am I'm very much looking forward to every.single.bit of it.
And so it is.