Nothing matters more than your Core Values. Here's Why.
/I used to say that I don’t "do small talk” but I’ve realized that…...
that’s not quite accurate.
I can shoot the shit with the best of them (and do!!) but the truth is, I don't have much bandwidth for that kinda thing. Because it’s hard for me to act like I care about superficial things I don’t actually care about & it exhausts me to talk about fluff, never quite reaching far enough below the surface to get to the things that REALLY matter. Things like:
Spirit & Soul.
Evolving friendships.
The discomfort of success.
Reconciling the past.
Love.
Emotional Trauma.
Taboo Sex.
Money.
What it takes to make marriage last.
Creating work you love.
Failure.
The in-between years.
Death.
Suffice it to day, I’m a woman who loves intimate conversation.
And when I’m lucky enough to meet people with whom I can get share this kinda dialogue, I love to ask them about their Core Personal Values.
And most of them are like, “My Values? Ummm…..what do you mean?”
‘Cause the frightening fact is, the majority of the people I meet don't even know what I'm talking about.
They can list the TV shows they watch or the Instagram accounts they love or their favorite vacation destinations but…..when it comes to articulating the Core Personal Values that guide their lives?
Few people can articulate them clearly and/or directly.
And I happen to think that’s a pretty big problem.
Because if you don’t understand the true function of Values in your life (what I like to call Core Personal Values or CPVs), then you have no idea that they’re the CORE INGREDIENT to designing a life you deeply desire. That CPVs are about making sure that you are BEING WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE in this world. And when it comes to living a life of alignment--one that deeply resonates with the woman you say you want to be--nothing matters more than knowing your core personal values.
Here’s what I mean:
Think about your life like a simple house. You have a foundation (operational beliefs you hold about life itself, God, etc), a roof (how you present to the world, your outward behaviors) & a few studs/pillars that hold up the roof (your CPVs). And in the same way that pillars hold up a roof, your Core Personal Values are the very things that hold up your LIFE. Because the choices you make--the people you date, the jobs you take, the places you live, the food you eat, the vacations you schedule, the books you read, the music you consume--are all just a reflection of your core beliefs. Which is why I say, the only way we really know who you are is by what you do. It’s not enough to just TELL people who we are--we must SHOW them as well.
If you can’t articulate what matters to you, then your life is gonna be a reflection of the fact that you aren’t really CLEAR about what matters to you. Unsatisfied, uninspired with no idea why...which means you’re probably all over the place. At the end of the day, our choices & behaviors are what make up our lives, not our words. You say family is important but--can I tell that by your behavior?? Do you live a life that says “Family is important to me”? Would your values be evident if you didn’t open up your mouth & tell me? I live by the Chinese proverb that says “To know and not do is to not know at all”. Which means that when you say you “know better”...you gotta act like it. And CPVs make sure that what YOU SAY is important to you & what YOUR BEHAVIOR says is important to you are in alignment. Amen for that.
3. CPVs are like your personal Global Positioning System (GPS). Because when you’re clear about your CPVs you’re left with ACTIONABLE behaviors. It’s not enough to say one of your CPVs is “FREEDOM”--the work of creating values asks ”What does FREEDOM actually LOOK LIKE to you??”. Does that mean putting your bills on autopay? Homeschooling your kids? 3 day work weeks? Or reading in bed every morning for an hour? Once we define our values we have to go one step further & figure how how these values should show up in our lives. What they look like. And THAT is how your CPVs help to make sure that you’re being the kinda woman you really want to be.
Last weekend I took a course from Maya Elious & during the training she gave an example saying, “No one can talk about Personal Values like Dayka does--and she knows it in & out.”
And that’s true.
I will sit in any living room,
in front of any microphone,
on any stage,
talking about Core Personal Values because ‘till I’m blue in the face because I love helping uninspired women find the clarity, confidence and empowerment to get unstuck & create lives they deeply desire by identifying their VALUES. And I'm gonna start talking about this more because...it's clear I don't do it nearly enough.
In the meantime, if you know YOUR CPVs (or even just one!) I’d love to hear about them! Reply to this email & let me know more about the CPVs you're cultivating for 2019 ('cause I'm nosy like that. lol.).
xo,
d.
