Monday I turned 40. Here's the personal letter I wrote to celebrate my life.

Dayka,

You’re 40 today & while your life is (hopefully) nowhere near done—
YOU DID IT.

You’ve managed to “do life” for almost a century by doing it YOUR WAY, and that’s not a feat many people achieve. Don't downplay that accomplishment--girl, you should be so proud of yourself!

Good or bad, you’ve stuck your ground & followed your heart.
Sometimes that’s left you with $20 in your pocket….and other times it’s left you with $20,000 in your pocket. You know firsthand that entrepreneurship is no easy boat to row, but years ago you made the decision to own your own time & it’s brought you far more than you ever imagined. 

You had the courage to leave that tiny, cinder block office at Kroger & step out on your own—not always knowing what you wanted to do, but always being pretty clear about what you DIDN’T want to do.

• You didn’t want to drown in the everyday routine of life like you saw so many people doing. 

• You didn’t want to suffocate in unhappy relationships, like you saw so many people doing (knowing they deserved more but not having the courage to ask for it).

• You didn’t want to feel trapped in an office job you hated, just because “having a corporate job” some kind of expected milestone.

Good for you for holding onto that!

Because you bloomed late, in some ways, you realized early on that having kids was going to going to come at a cost of finding your own freedom, and looking back at your life over the last 20 years....you were right to wait.
Even if that means you never have kids in this lifetime, you were right to wait.
Never question that, or allow anyone else to make you second-guess that decision for yourself.
What I know now, for sure, is that you would’ve resented those kids if you'd had them early on and constantly felt like you had to choose between trying to unfold THEM and trying to unfold YOURSELF.
Continue to choose you.
Also, you never met anyone who you really looked at and said,
“I want to make a baby with you.”
And if you had no other reason other than the fact that you never found your ideal partner to embark on that journey with--then that reason alone is good enough.
Continue to wait for the one that God sends.
He is coming.

You spent so much of the past 40 years being chastised for speaking your mind but the funny thing is, your candor is the very thing so many people have come to LOVE YOU for.
Because when you stand in your own truth—shortcomings, physical scars, foolish bad decisions, thoughtless mistakes, deep childhood traumas—you inadvertently give OTHER PEOPLE the permission & confidence to own their own stuff, too.
The world needs more people like you, Dayka.
You don’t always say it right.
You don’t always do it right.
Sometimes you’re tired & cranky & impatient & inconsiderate & short but....you are also HUMAN. And do not be fooled—you’ve seen enough people up close to know that no one is walking this earth without their scars.
And my advice to you, at 40, is to stay close to the transparent people who let their shit hang out.
The ones who say what they feel & tell you where it hurts & do the difficult work of putting everything on the table and really healing their souls. Otherwise you will move forward feeling the same way you spent so many of the last 40 years feeling—
Like an outcast alone in the woods.

You are not for everybody, Dayka.
And I don’t know how much time you have left but do not spend ONE MORE MOMENT thinking about WHY you’re not for certain people & groups.
You’re just not.
You will never be one of those women that “everyone” likes because the only way to successfully do that is by giving pieces of yourself away.
Piece by peace.
Which means you’ll have to hate yourself in order to be liked by them.
And that’s as true at 21 as it is at 61.
Always remember where your value lies.
And know that it is better to walk alone than to walk next to people who make you feel alone.

God is very, very funny, so continue to pay attention over your next (58) years.
Give yourself time to rest & process & think & unpack & reframe & chip away & remove & exclude & invite & uncover.
For on the surface, everything is not what it seems.
None of this is really what it seems.

As you begin Phase II today, really challenge yourself to widen your reach. Leave no stone unturned exploring everything that calls to your heart. You are now confident enough to know what you like & don’t like, and wise enough to know that at any moment you may be called to let go of what you think you know so that you can learn something totally new.
I believe in your ability to do that. You are excellent at that.
You are courageous & intelligent & introspective & (ridiculously) inquisitive & you speak directly. You ask the questions that need to be asked & when you don’t know, you will proudly say, “I don’t know.”
Hold onto that.
Stay close to the people who see that as the sign of respect it is.
And do not worry about the rest, please.
Remember that every new day means there’s less & less time on your personal clock. Spend it doing what matters most to you.

There is nothing weird or odd about you.
There is nothing ugly or unseemly about you.
There is nothing unredeemable or unworthy about you.
There is no mistake you can’t be forgiven for & there is nothing you can lose that can’t be replaced, energetically speaking.
The entire world is on your side & God is too. Set yourself up for success by staying close to the people & places & moments that remind you of that.

I am very, very proud of you, Dayka. You are walking this earth, creating your path & telling a story that only you can tell. You matter & nothing in this world would be the same without you-- that's a scientific fact.  
So even if you never do another thing in life…..you’ve already won.
Remember that, always. 

I love you so much.
Happy birthday, Queen. 

d.