PART TWO CONTINUED.....

When we think there's something wrong with who we are, we try to find ways to fit in & disappear.

Simply because we don't understand our own self worth. 

In my case, I thought my success lie in trying to shave down my edges & round off my corners instead of uncovering new ways to actually accentuate my unique features. To clearly articulate what makes me, me.
Thank God I eventually I found my way.

But here's why I'm sharing all of this with you:

The early part of my life had to be exactly what it was so that it could prepare me to become the woman I am today--one who's incredibly passionate about personal responsibility and self empowerment, ESPECIALLY as it pertains to women.  

Why? 

Because we're often taught (and even encouraged) to shrink from an early age. And that is EXACTLY why--as adult women--we end up with lives that look NOTHING like the ones we planned so long ago. Because we've been socialized to give our power away before we even realize what's happening. 

Don't be too confident. Don't talk too much. Don't curse. Don't be intimidating. Don't dress like that. Be nice. Learn how to cook. Look like you're 17 even though you're 45. Keep your nails done. Be agreeable. Don't brag about your accomplishments. Keep a clean house. Keep a man. Be sweet. Don't be too demanding. Don't raise your voice. Make sure your pedicure is on point. Keep a Brazilian. Be humble. Wait your turn patiently. Know every sex trick in the book but don't sleep with too many men. Don't stand out too much. Get along with the group. Don't be so assertive. Look pretty. Don't be a know-it-all. And be quiet.

It's fucking exhausting. 

And when we grow up being bombarded with these kinds of messages, it dulls our ability to trust in ourselves & our natural instincts.
Because all we ever hear is "You're doing it is wrong, do it like this instead".
And let me tell you, a lack of trust never, ever turns out well. 
In any situation.

We learn to shrink at home, we learn it in school, we learn it from our fathers, brothers & boyfriends, we learn it from our mothers, colleagues at work & women in our social circles. But it's time to start unlearning some of that stuff if you truly intend on embodying your highest vision of yourself. 

Yet here's the catch: only you can do this unlearning for yourself. 

It is not your parent's job, your best friend's job or your spouse's responsibility to make you feel good about who you really are.
Because worthiness is an inside job, my friend.
So is self esteem.  

And making someone responsible for your wholeness and your empowerment is too much power to give any one person (or group of people) over your life.

And once I really understood this--realizing that I didn't have to wait for other people to change because I could change MYSELF--a whole new world opened up to me.  Remembering that at ALL times, it is not only my right but my responsibility to EMPOWER MYSELF. 

To make choices that are soul affirming.
To stand in my power at all times & not hand it over to someone else. 
To fill my own cup & not expect someone else to do it for me. 
To write my own narrative & create my own love story & fill my life with the things that nurture and affirm ME.
And to remember that the only things I really need are the things that come from within.

So back to him. 

If I had truly known my worth from the beginning, we wouldn't have been together in the first place. 

And once I had the courage to be honest with myself & acknowledge that I simply PUT UP with too much for too long because I didn't know better, something just shifted. I was able to release him from the story I'd been telling (his fault! his fault! his fault!) and start to do the work that really mattered--my own. 

Because taking responsibility doesn't look like pointing out all of the ways he could've shown up better. Instead, it means asking one simple question:

What was it about me that made me decide that kind of behavior was okay in the first place??

And answering that question, my friends, is where the real work starts.

There was a time many years ago when I didn't know better but now I do.
And I want you to know better, too.

This is my Why.

xo,
d.